i hate you (not really......)

I should have seen this coming. The love for McQueen, gossip girl, lady gaga, lea michele. It was too good to be true. As the random people in a show for my scene study class say "just tooo too good". I didn't care if he was gay as long as he had time to makeout  with me first. When I first met him i thought he was gay. but then he had a girlfriend. Lots of gay men have girlfriends, my aunt's boyfriend turned gay on her, so did my friends. But still, it's not like this was a HUUUGE FUCKING SURPRISE. I mean, honestly? Who was I kidding? MEN SUCK. Sometimes people say that happiness is like all about perspective. So I guess I could say, maybe it's better this way. 'Cause ya know I've always wanted a gay friend and we're really close so that's pretty damn spiffy. And he'll watch (500) days of summer with me. Maybe he was my summer. But he's not a chick, but yeah.

Men were created for the destruction, obsession, passion, mortification, humiliation, fornification, suffocation and elation of women and gays. Besides, according to a random facebook quiz, i'm the "troubled kind of love". Which means that it takes someone equally phsycotic to love me, which doesn't happen.
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BUT. I still have a crew of super spiffy beyond amazing friends to help me through this. I love 'em all sooooooooo much! Because they do things like make me cookies for my birthday, and donate to seals in my name, and pool together to buy me vogue! <3

SO AS THE OLD ADDAGE GOES:

BROS BEFORE HOES! (OR CHICKS BEFORE DICKS BUT, THE FIRST ONE RHYMED)

parfettia

I fucking love being home alone. Life would be perfect if i could just chill in my baggy sweatpants that don't stay up and my slutty sweater that also won't stay up. I'm not even kidding you, I love this way too much for my own good. I have homework to do and hair to wash and make up to put on. But i'm just blogging. And blasting crystal castles...
Who I love btw, just look them up please. please. please. Cause they are so amazzzzzing it's beyond. Seriously. Alice should be like in a mental institution, the only way she isn't is cause she's in a band. When she met the dude that makes all their little bleep bleep noises, she was high as a kite. She always is. In  interviews she just sits there and smokes. And drinks. She got busted at her own show for underage drinking. On stage she like has a siezure...she's like possessed and just like humps strobe lights and throws herself into the crowd. According to my Bobbi brown teen make up book i should find a role model who looks like me.

I think I've found her. Never mind that she's a twenty two year old druggie who's possibly manic. P.S this is what u get for telling me 2 not use liquid foundation. Thanks bobbi
GOOO NATURAL BEAUTY!

Becoming a free Bitch/ A love letter to gaga

On March 1, 2011 a mere six days after I get back from New York, (sidenote: IM GOING TO NEW YORK FUCKING CITY!!!!! I'M FINALLY GETTING OUT OF HERE!), I'm going to see Lady Gaga. It will be epic. She will be on my fucking turf! She will see *my* sights, and hear *my* sounds. SHE WILL BE LIKE TEN MINUTES FROM THE HAUS OF ROSIE! It's gonna be so wierd. I've never had anyone this famous so close. And she's coming right from Chicago, which means she'll probably take the route that I've traveled around 14000 times in the last fourteen years.  And she'll probably pass Chesterton, and that obnoxiously huge billboard for a porn store that always lets me know we're in Indiana, and that random panera, which is classy  but not *too* classy. Oh and she'll pass that sketchy taco bell/kfc combo truck stop thing that I always think I'll get mugged by a trucker in! Can you tell I'm excited?!

Anyway, apparently her show is supposed to be part exorcisim, and part massive party. It's supposed to liberate from all your monsters and skeletons and burdens. But the thing is, I don't think Gaga can clear up all my self doubt and whatnot, so I decided to work on this whole concept of "body fat is okay" and "you don't suck that bad" before I go to her show. Because if I meet Gaga after her show at 4.A.M, I don't want to come to her as this insecure neurotic, stick skinny, mess of insecurities sobbing and thanking her for saving me. I want to come to her as a monster who is okay with being one, and instead of telling her how she saved me, I want to tell her how she slapped me in the face and forced me to save myself.

I've always had wierd wieght and food issues. Lady Gaga said her main monsters are her fears of love, sex, and alcohol. My "monster" is a singular thing, food. I have always hated food. When I was eleven I got this insane flu type thing, I spent the whole night in bed begging god to just please make me puke it all up. The next day, it occured to me that it wasn't my immune system, or my lack of sleep that did this to me, it was food. In my little eleven year old mind I somehow conjured up the idea that if I didn't eat, I wouldn't get sick. So that's what I did, I stopped eating and took tiny little bird bites of food. I remember eating miniture bites of key lime yogurt, and peanut butter toast. I remember staring at myself in the mirror, topless. I remember seeing my flat chest, and every single one of my ribs poking through my pale translucent skin, and running my hands up and down them. I remember being less than sixty pounds.

Now eventually things got better, and I actually remembered that food was good. But most of it has never gone away. Shortly after I lost the wieght, I gained like ten pounds. I had no idea what to do, what were these things called "thighs"? Why is there a thin layer of *fat* on my stomach? These questions trouble me day to day, as I pierouette in the mirror and turn to see if you can see my shoulder blades.  So now, thanks to Gaga, I'm going to attempt to be a little less neurotic, and  a bit more of a free bitch. I'm going look in the mirror without pinching my thighs, or at least, try.

wow it only took forty eight hours

and I'm ALREADY having a mental break down and praying to lady gaga. Srsly, high school? According to Degrassi I'm supposed to be either doing drugs or making out in a closet.  I hate this. You know what I want? A 300 dollar gift card to Sephora. Yeah that'd be nice, or a chance to sleep in. Or eye make up remover, since my mascara smudged.

How To: clean your brushes

Did y'all know that your actually supposed to CLEAN your make up brushes? Yep. I know, I was shocked too. But lets put it this way, make up brushes are like sports equipment. You need to keep them in good condition so they can do do their job properly and help you perform at your absolute best. This means, that once they get dirty or broken, you fix them.

There are two methoods for cleaning your brushes, the one used for actual BRUSHES, and the one used for powder puffs. In this post, I will teach you each methood. Let's start with actual brushes.

HOW TO: CLEAN YOUR MAKE UP BRUSHES

SUPPLIES NEEDED: 1 kitchen towel, 1 bottle of LIQUID DISH SOAP, WARM WATER

1. Squirt a small bit of liquid dish soap onto the bristles of the brush

2. Work the dish soap into the bristles by massaging it into them

3. Hold the brush under warm water, continue to massage the bristles

4. Add more liquid dish soap as needed, continue to massage bristles and hold under water

5. Set on towel and leave out to dry

HOW TO: CLEAN YOUR POWDER PUFFS

SUPPLIES NEEDED: 1 towel, 1 bottle of conditioner, warm water

1. Squirt a small bit of conditioner onto the powder puff or sponge

2. Rub it into the powder puff or sponge

3. Hold it under warm water, and continue to rub the conditioner into the puff

4. Apply more conditioner as needed, or until the powder puff returns to its origional color, free of residue from cream blush or liquid foundation.

NOTE: You don't have to clean your brushes on a weekly basis, just once and a while. Basically, if they look dirty, clean them!

Fiona Degrassi Make up How to

Okay right now I am totally obsessed with Degrassi, this cheap random canadian drama. And one of the characters, Fiona has fabulous make up. So here is a tentative outline on how to achieve her look.





1. Squirt a dime size amount of Bare Vitamins Primetime foundation primer into your palm. The purpose of primer is to help the make up stay on and last longer. Rub your hands together, and then rub your hands against your face like your applying face wash or moisturizer.





2. Squirt a small amount of maybeline mineral power liquid foundation in classic ivory onto a powder puff. Rub it into the puff with your finger, then rub the puff all over your, nose, cheecks, chin, and forehead. Repeat until you think you have enough coverage








3. Blend the makeup by rubbing your hands all over your face, in a downward motion. You can also use a special blending sponge.





4. Next apply Revlon cream blush in rosy glow to the apples of your cheeks. (smile! This helps you see them better) Do this by dipping your finger in the blush, and then smearing it in an upward motion from your cheek bones to next to your eye.

5. Blend using blending sponge.

6. Apply a thin layer of Maybeline Mineral Power Finish Viel translucent powder across your entire face. To apply, tap a small bit of powder into the lid. Dip your brush into the lid then tap off the excess, press roll and lift the brush across your entire face.

7. Apply a thin layer of powder foundation across your entire face using a foundation brush.

8. ApplyThe Body Shop powder blush in Rosy Glow to the apples of your cheeks using a laura Mercier Cheek colour blush brush. DON'T FORGET TO BLEND

9. Apply black eyeliner to the top and bottom lids. I used Tarte Empahseyes inner rim eye pencil in black.

10.Apply a white eyeshadow base up to your browbone. Fiona's eye shadow is a very light purple. So by using the white as a base, you will automatically lighten the purple you put on top. Tap the excess eye shadow into the lid.

11. Apply a light layer of purple eyshadow, on top of the white. Make sure you tap the excess into the lid before applying.

12. Apply mascara to the uper and lower lashes.

13. Using an ULTA contour lip liner in flesh, line your lips like your tracing a stencil. Then, color in your lips using the lines as guideline, like coloring a picture.

14.Apply a thin layer of light pink lipgloss. I used liplicious white hot summer crush.

c'est fin.

Mall adventure

Today I went to the mall with my bestest friend in the whole wide world, lets call her Jlang. We went to the big fancy mall like half an hour away from our houses. It had a taco bell in it, both of us thought this was a genius idea. However, we thought whoever made people wear seat belts on the carosuel was a moron. Seriously, the fun of a carousal is being perched on a bumpy plastic horse with nothing but a sweaty metal bar to cling too!!!!
This mall also had a build a bear. Jlang and I had to take advantage this, because build a bear is awesome. So we went into build a bear, and picked the cheapest bear we could find. (I wanted to get a cute black one with peace signs all over it but nooooo). We almost picked out a really cute, fluffy dog, but then we decided that since the place was named build a bear, then we should BUILD A BEAR. So in the end we picked a really cute fuzzy white bear with black eyes. Then we took it over to the stuffing station where a lady put it onto this metal bar that was connected to a giant tub 'o stuffing. And then once our bear was stuffed, we groomed it and named it Valentino.
It has been decided that Valentino will travel back and forth between us, like the traveling pants, or divorced parents. He is going to Chicago with me next week, and to Jlang's job with her cause the girl who she babysits will love him.
We also went to dElIa's. Which excited me because usually I always have to order stuff out of their catalouge. But then we saw that there was a shirt there that said "The Future Mrs. Beiber" in gross pink bubble letters with a cheap looking diamond ring cartoon. It made us want to vomit. We also covered up a Justin Beiber shirt with a Beatles one. Yup, we're slowly curing the world of Beiber Fever, one Tshirt at a time.

And then, we went to Sephora.

IT WAS EPIC. I'm not kidding you. The thing I love about make up stores is how shiny and clean they are. In Sephora every surface looked slightly translucent. It boasted tiny little chunks of store devoted to all my favorite cosmetic brands, laura mercier, Tarte, Smash Box...oh how the list goes on. The color scheme of that store was awesome too, everything was black, white or red. I don't think one of the shop assistants liked me though, she kept giving me wierd looks. The bald gay man who helped me find an eyeshadow brush was very plesant though. JLang had to drag me out of there. The nail polish was brilliant, the eyeshadow was electric, it was a cosmetic junkie's woodstock.